Hey I am Shelah. I am 19 years old and I am here to help all Mothers answer their questions. What is going on with my teenage daughter? How can I understand her? Why is she pushing me away? Is she into boys? Well I have all of your answers. I was once that age, all of us were. But our generations are so different. For one, our parents generations were so much simpler. My generation and your children's are completely different. We have the media playing with our sponge like brains. How to be skinnier, how to get a boyfriend, what to wear, the songs we listen to. All of these things are turning us teenagers into confused little kids again.
GET INVOLVED!
The media plays an important role in our lives as you can tell. The music we listen - to lets face it - isn't the best. I mean since when is it okay for a guy to call a women a h**. This causes us girls to loose respect for ourselves. If you Google what young teenagers post for pictures these days you would be horrified. I mean your mouth would drop!! Mine does all the time and I'm 19. Some girls do it to get attention, some have Father issues, and some are just doing it to be rebellious. Either way it isn't okay. Mom's if your daughter doesn't have a Father in her life, it's okay. I didn't grow up with a Dad but my mom made me see that I was still loved and normal. She got involved in mine and my sisters lives. She made sure that we were always doing something. Whether it was sports, dance, after school activities, swimming. Anything that came to her mind she had us do. I think that would be a great way for you to bond with your daughter. Show her you want to be a part of her life and that you want to spend as much time with her as you can. It goes a long way, trust me. My mom would try her hardest and even though I would be a little brat back sometimes it meant it a lot in the long run. I did appreciate what she was trying to do.
DAD ISSUES:
When my dad passed away I was 14 years old, a freshmen in high school. I fell right into depression and became distant. My mom was there for me throughout the whole process of grieving but when my grades became effected by this she booked me a trip to live with my aunt in Germany for two weeks. Honestly, this helped a lot. I was surrounded by my family and surround by a new culture. There were many things to do there for me to get my mind off of my father's passing. Now if you are thinking about sending your daughter to another country make sure that it's a country that has family in it. And she won't get into trouble. My aunt had me go to school with my 13 year old cousin to see the atmosphere. I enjoyed myself and explained to the kids how the United States was. It helped with my depression a lot and being without my mom and sisters made me realize that I really do need them in my life.
My next blog we will talk about boys and sex! Now Mothers this is going to get complicated and it may hurt to read this. But I rather be informed then misinformed if you know what I mean. Thank you!
SEX TALK:
Alright it is now the next day. Now I know all of you moms must be dreading this conversation but it has to be done. I know your daughter might be the age 13 or even 14 but now that we're in this generation you need to keep a close watch on your daughter if you think something might be going on. Chances are there is. Here's something you never though you hear but statistics show that over 90% of young teenagers between the ages of 13 to 17 are having sex. I know that is very hard to hear. I am not saying one of your teenagers are having sex but it is a possibility. Mom's don't go barging into your daughters room accusing that they are having sex. It's not necessary. Just simply have the sex talk. Tell them about the STD's that are out there and they have a 50/50 chance of catching if they have sex right now, or don't use protection. That will scare them into not having sex. And if they say they don't care or you get this vibe that you feel like they don't care, take them to a health class. When they see what happens to them after they catch an STD they will never want to be near a boy again in that way, trust me. If your daughter is having sex at a young age and there is no preventing that she won't then talk to her about protection. I know that would be a hard thing to do. But you don't want to have her life ruined by a mistake and now she has to miss the college experience because she has to work 3 jobs to support this kid. Trust me talk to your daughters, communicate and show them that even though you're their mother they can still trust you with this information and you will not be mad.
How to connect:
Connecting with your teenage daughter is very easy. Some people think it's like rocket science or quantum physics. It really isn't. Just find something she likes. Whether it being sports, art, music, clothes, anything. We teenage girls are so easy to figure out when it comes to that stuff. And if you connect with her on that level she will think she can come talk to you about anything. When I say anything I really do. I talk to my mom about boys and what should I do in many situations. It was because she connected with me on a sports level, clothes, and she took the time to actually get to know who I am becoming. Your daughter is trying to figure out who she is in high school and what click she belongs in. Help her figure that out the right way. Don't make her make the decision by herself cause your going to end up not liking the one she picks most likely. And what I always suggest have a family night once a week. Those are the best and everyone should cherish those.
See your daughter isn't from another planet right now and I know because we have different generations that it can be hard what's going on nowa days. Instead of not trying to learn about our generation, you should. There's a lot all families should know about. Because this generation, your daughters and my generation is by far the worst generation right now. If I could I would move myself back to the 1930's haha. Just get involved in all of your kids life and they'll know what's right and wrong. They will know to respect themselves, others, and their parents.
GET INVOLVED!
The media plays an important role in our lives as you can tell. The music we listen - to lets face it - isn't the best. I mean since when is it okay for a guy to call a women a h**. This causes us girls to loose respect for ourselves. If you Google what young teenagers post for pictures these days you would be horrified. I mean your mouth would drop!! Mine does all the time and I'm 19. Some girls do it to get attention, some have Father issues, and some are just doing it to be rebellious. Either way it isn't okay. Mom's if your daughter doesn't have a Father in her life, it's okay. I didn't grow up with a Dad but my mom made me see that I was still loved and normal. She got involved in mine and my sisters lives. She made sure that we were always doing something. Whether it was sports, dance, after school activities, swimming. Anything that came to her mind she had us do. I think that would be a great way for you to bond with your daughter. Show her you want to be a part of her life and that you want to spend as much time with her as you can. It goes a long way, trust me. My mom would try her hardest and even though I would be a little brat back sometimes it meant it a lot in the long run. I did appreciate what she was trying to do.
DAD ISSUES:
When my dad passed away I was 14 years old, a freshmen in high school. I fell right into depression and became distant. My mom was there for me throughout the whole process of grieving but when my grades became effected by this she booked me a trip to live with my aunt in Germany for two weeks. Honestly, this helped a lot. I was surrounded by my family and surround by a new culture. There were many things to do there for me to get my mind off of my father's passing. Now if you are thinking about sending your daughter to another country make sure that it's a country that has family in it. And she won't get into trouble. My aunt had me go to school with my 13 year old cousin to see the atmosphere. I enjoyed myself and explained to the kids how the United States was. It helped with my depression a lot and being without my mom and sisters made me realize that I really do need them in my life.
My next blog we will talk about boys and sex! Now Mothers this is going to get complicated and it may hurt to read this. But I rather be informed then misinformed if you know what I mean. Thank you!
SEX TALK:
Alright it is now the next day. Now I know all of you moms must be dreading this conversation but it has to be done. I know your daughter might be the age 13 or even 14 but now that we're in this generation you need to keep a close watch on your daughter if you think something might be going on. Chances are there is. Here's something you never though you hear but statistics show that over 90% of young teenagers between the ages of 13 to 17 are having sex. I know that is very hard to hear. I am not saying one of your teenagers are having sex but it is a possibility. Mom's don't go barging into your daughters room accusing that they are having sex. It's not necessary. Just simply have the sex talk. Tell them about the STD's that are out there and they have a 50/50 chance of catching if they have sex right now, or don't use protection. That will scare them into not having sex. And if they say they don't care or you get this vibe that you feel like they don't care, take them to a health class. When they see what happens to them after they catch an STD they will never want to be near a boy again in that way, trust me. If your daughter is having sex at a young age and there is no preventing that she won't then talk to her about protection. I know that would be a hard thing to do. But you don't want to have her life ruined by a mistake and now she has to miss the college experience because she has to work 3 jobs to support this kid. Trust me talk to your daughters, communicate and show them that even though you're their mother they can still trust you with this information and you will not be mad.
How to connect:
Connecting with your teenage daughter is very easy. Some people think it's like rocket science or quantum physics. It really isn't. Just find something she likes. Whether it being sports, art, music, clothes, anything. We teenage girls are so easy to figure out when it comes to that stuff. And if you connect with her on that level she will think she can come talk to you about anything. When I say anything I really do. I talk to my mom about boys and what should I do in many situations. It was because she connected with me on a sports level, clothes, and she took the time to actually get to know who I am becoming. Your daughter is trying to figure out who she is in high school and what click she belongs in. Help her figure that out the right way. Don't make her make the decision by herself cause your going to end up not liking the one she picks most likely. And what I always suggest have a family night once a week. Those are the best and everyone should cherish those.
See your daughter isn't from another planet right now and I know because we have different generations that it can be hard what's going on nowa days. Instead of not trying to learn about our generation, you should. There's a lot all families should know about. Because this generation, your daughters and my generation is by far the worst generation right now. If I could I would move myself back to the 1930's haha. Just get involved in all of your kids life and they'll know what's right and wrong. They will know to respect themselves, others, and their parents.
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